An ugly duckling: My cancer journey begins
More and more
more and more.
I see Your hand in my life,
more and more.
I recognize your guidance,
more and more.
You are here with me -
tangibly present in my life,
active all the time,
You are working o...
Philippians 1C: A series of reflection on scripture
Read part 1A first
Php 1:28 - Don't be afr...
On the pages of this blog, I pour out for you, what Jesus has poured into my heart. Kardeshae is about Jesus’ immense love, and how once you are his, nothing can separate you from that love. Also about being ready to face the troubles you are bound to encounter in this world, to shine despite them. And it is about renewing your mind, to align your will with his. Among the posts, there are some words, written for you. Whether you are for the first time getting to know Jesus, are starry-eyed in love with him, giving him the coldshoulder, or are raving mad at him. I trust the Lord has lead you, and that He will speak to you, here.
But before you begin exploring, I’d like to tell you something…
I hate pain. Always have. And since I can remember I tried my utmost to avoid pain, of any kind. It didn’t work. So by my early twenties all that remained of me (that is my body, soul, and spirit), was a fragmented mess. The more I tried to gather myself together, the more I fell apart. I hit rock bottom.
Despite the agony of that time in my life, it turned out to be the best thing that could ever have happened to me. Because Jesus was there, waiting for me. He made himself known to me through a breathtakingly intimate experience, and I became born again. I felt wonderful, like I was floating on a cloud of bliss. Pain was history for me, I was sure. How wrong I was. Jesus held me tight, yet hectically painful stuff still happened. To me! I became imprisoned by pain, and few visited me there. Only One always stayed.
Decades it took for me to discover that suffering had purposefully been written into my story, and the past seven years (2013 >) Jesus has been teaching me to be okay with that. Well, sort-of. What can I say? I am a work in progress…
Thus far my journey has been a silent, solitary one. Yet now, I invite you to join me as I continue down this narrow road with Jesus. You can do that by signing up for my newsletter with the latest blog posts, e-mailing me ,finding my Kardeshae page on Facebook , and especially by praying for me.
My prayer for you, now, is that He who has written your story, will lead you through the pages of this blog, take you to the words meant for you, and minister to your heart, through them. May He give you new eyes, to see your life as He does. And may He give you the blessing to see his Word become flesh in your life. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
With sisterly love,
6 January 2017, as I dimmed the light and snuggled up in bed, I had no idea that night’s sleep would change my life.
I had a dream -
A woman told me about a book she read. There was only one word in it – ‘Kardeshae’, written phonetically, so the reader would know how to pronounce it.
“Do you know the meaning of this word?” the woman asked.
“Yes,” I said. “I do! ‘Kardeshae’ means there is only one person who loves you.” I peered into her eyes. “Do you know who that person is?”
She shook her head and gave me a questioning look.
I smiled at her and said, “It is Jesus!”
The morning when I woke, all I could think of was the dream. The word inside the book had
become vague, though. From the dim image that flashed before my eyes, all I could make
out was that it was something like ‘Kardeshae’.
I chatted to Jesus about it. “Lord, what does that word, ‘Kardeshae’, mean? Is it a word from a heavenly language?”
“Search it out,” He said.
I did. And the Holy Spirit lead me to find the Hebrew word, ‘Kedushah’, which means ‘holiness.’ It is also the name of a prayer about the holiness of God.
Fire erupted in my heart, flooded my soul. “Oh, wow, Lord. This is so special! But what does the dream mean?”
“I am about holiness. I show my love for you, by making you holy. My blood that I poured out at the cross, purchased your holiness. What greater love is there than He who lays his life down for his friend?” Jesus said. “You must be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect! Trust in Me - I began the good work in you, and I will bring it to completion.”
At the time when I had to name this blog, I wondered, and thought, and prayed. What would the perfect name be? Out of the blue, my husband, Calvin, reminded me of the dream I had. He said, “That word you dreamed of - Kardeshae? - it would make a pretty name, don’t you think?” As he said it, I broke out in goosebumps. Because I have not yet told him that I was looking for a name for the blog. It was a God moment! God had answered my prayer about a name for the blog, before I even asked.